The Gifts of Surrendering

So much has changed since I wrote to you last month! Below is an overview of what I feel like has been the jewel of my current experience:

When I decided to live in Montana for a few months, my intention was to take the time and space I had there to figure out my next steps after leaving my home at Song of the Morning Yoga Retreat in Northern Michigan. I found myself spending a lot of time ruminating on what my next chapter in life would be. I ended up constantly living in my head trying to figure out all of my options and what made most sense while I considered an endless number of factors, such as: finances, sustainability, enjoyment, society ideals & conditioning, spiritual motives, friends, family, my boyfriend, long-term and short-term gains & goals, etc. I was pondering so much around this topic that it honestly started to stress me out.

Until one day my head just couldn’t handle it anymore and the sunshine of consciousness was able to glisten through the forest of thoughts. I realized there was another way and decided to surrender all of my thinking, planning, and ultimately the tendency to control my life and give it up to God, (or whatever term you use to define a power greater than yourself). So, I prayed for help to those individual facets of consciousness who I have deep soulful connections with, they include: Yogacharya Oliver Black, the lineage of gurus from the Self-Realization Fellowship, and of course, Divine Mother. I asked them for their assistance on this specific topic every morning during my sadhana (spiritual practice).

Soon after, I had a dream where I was playing with friends inside my father’s dojo (temple space which is connected to my parent’s house). I then walked into the hallway outside of the dojo where I was greeted by Yogacharya. He told me something important (which unfortunately, I don’t remember), but I did write it down in the dream. He told me that he loved me, and I told him that I loved him.

After the dream, I knew exactly what my next steps in life were going to be, without a doubt. I decided to move in with my parents for at least a few months. Before the dream, this was not something I wanted to do. I didn’t even consider it an option and it was almost even a hard no. But after the dream, the decision was so clear and made so much sense. It was as if I didn’t make the decision myself, and instead it just came through me.

Moving in with my parents will give me the opportunity to utilize the dojo for teaching yoga classes, facilitating women’s groups, offering ceremonies & workshops, scheduling 1:1 therapy sessions, the possibilities are endless! All of my old massage therapy clients live around that location, it’s close to the school I may be attending, it helps me financially and it’s a perfect interim while I wait for my boyfriend, Brian, to return from Europe in September.

My parents could also use my help with projects around the house, and emotional support as they navigate through some difficult times. They have welcomed me home with open arms. It’s a win, win.

Once I surrendered and opened myself up to life, what I previously was closed off to and wouldn’t even consider as an option, became a decision that made so much so sense to do, and one I was even excited about it.

What I’m learning from this experience is to continue to stay open, to let go of control, allow myself to drop out of my head and into my heart, to stay alert and listen to my intuition, and most of all - to trust in life.

I’m sharing the quote from the top of this email again because it seems to be an appropriate place for it.

"Running the world is His responsibility. He is the Doer. Not you, or I. Surrender yourself to God and you will find that your life will become like a beautiful melody." ~ Paramahansa Yogananda

In love,

Shannon